This bio has been a long time in coming, and that’s because it is truly one that needed very special attention. Karen is not just our Officiant… she is a cherished and beloved lifetime friend. As we discussed who would marry us and perform the ceremony that we were taking great care to construct, we knew one thing from the start: we didn’t want to hear phrases like “I’ve just met these two people…” or “I don’t know Henry and Perry, but…” We have heard similar statements at weddings in the past (especially for destination weddings where a local Minister/Officiant has been hired for the wedding), and although these statements are often followed with a lovely sentiment about how much the Minister has enjoyed meeting the wedding couple, or how much love they see from the family and friends attending the wedding, etc., the fact remained that the person performing the ceremony was a virtual stranger. For us, these kinds of statements were just not something we wanted to hear on our wedding day; we wanted the ceremony to be performed by someone who not only knows us well, but also cares deeply about us. That left us with a bit of a challenge, though. On Perry’s side, having grown up Catholic, he had Priests that he loved who had known him his entire life… as well as an extraordinary special Priest that came into his life as a teenager and had an incredibly profound influence on him (both then and now). And as much as he would have loved to have asked one of these beloved Priests to preside over our wedding, the reality is that even had they wanted to, they would not be permitted to do so. On Henry’s side, there is really only one Minister in his life that he has the kind of long term bond with that would give them the connection they want with their Officiant, and sadly, that Minister is in very poor health and unable to travel or perform services anymore. So the option of being married by a “family” Priest/Minister was not going to be possible. The next thoughts turned to “do we know anyone who is an ordained minister who might be willing to travel to Long Beach to marry us?” And even though there were a few possibilities, none of them seemed quite right because that long time bond that we had hoped for with our Officiant just wasn’t there with any of those people. Henry is going to continue from here, in his own words:

As Perry and I sat and discussed the important issue of who would actually perform our ceremony, it became clear to us that there was truly only one person who would feel right to us… our dear friend Karen. Karen has been an extraordinary part of my life since I was a teenager. One of those lifetime friends that you cannot imagine being without. For me, Karen is one of those people whose presence in my life makes it a bit safer, a bit more balanced, a bit more grounded… She knows me inside and out, and over the years, has become like family to me. She was also there with me for the most important moment of my life: the moment I met Perry. To say that Karen has been there through some of the most profound moments of my life is an understatement. And from the moment she met Perry, the two of them have developed a bond of friendship and love that rivals my own with her. It is Karen who was the first to find out that Perry and I had developed a crush on each other, and were considering dating. And it was Karen who was the first to tell me that she thought Perry was the perfect person for me.

We had already planned to ask Karen to be in the wedding, but had not yet settled on what role she would play. Karen has always been exceedingly spiritual, and has one of the strongest connections with God that I’ve ever seen. One of the things that I’ve always admired about her spirituality and her connection with God, is how deeply personal it is to her. Most people who know Karen (or know of her, because her reputation travels far and wide!), know her as a bigger than life personality… always the life of the party! Karen is one of those rare individuals that everyone is drawn to. You just know that if she’s around, you’re bound to have endless laughs and sit mesmerized by her incredible sense of humor… and her intelligence. But those that are lucky enough to get closer, find that her compassion and understanding of the world, coupled with her incredibly well balanced viewpoints on any subject you can imagine, makes her someone you want to know better… someone you want a closer connection with. And it’s that part of her that forever linked my heart to her as a teenager who was trying to find his place in the world.

I would eventually come to find out that she had grown up Roman Catholic, but it wasn’t the tenets of religion that gave Karen her strong sense of spirituality; her beliefs are far beyond what she learned in Parochial school, but instead come from her deep and meaningful personal relationship with God, which has been built on years of contemplation and observation of the world as a whole. If ever you’re talking with Karen about something troubling, or a crossroads in life, etc., it’s not Bible quotes that you’ll hear from her (even though she can quote with the best of them!)… instead, you’ll be privileged to hear the most common sense and meaningful observations about why your particular situation makes sense at this stage of your life. If you’re lucky enough to know her on this level, you’ll be given insights that will have a profound impact on you, and things will just begin to make sense. And always, that brilliant insight, will come back to her understanding of God and his connection to your life and the world around you. What’s particularly amazing about Karen and this part of her, is that regardless of your religion or spiritual beliefs, her insight makes sense. Her spirituality is not bound by any one religion, but is in fact, quite universal. That’s one of the things that I love about her the most – the way she can connect spiritually with people of all Faiths – and even with people of no Faith. (I say “one of the things, because there are SO many!!)

It is because of that expansive and insightful spirituality, that we initially thought we should have her do a reading of some kind at the wedding. We knew we wanted to hear her voice during the ceremony in some way. But as we sat and discussed the issue of who would marry us, it instantly became clear that there was only one choice: it had to be Karen. She had been with us as a couple through some of the most important moments of our relationship, so it only seemed right that she would be the one to pronounce us married. Now, I happened to know that Karen had always thought it would be a very cool thing to become an Ordained Minister at some point in her life. And truly, she had been “ministering” to me (and so many others who had been blessed to know her) for years… so it only seemed right that she should hold that title officially. And what better reason than our wedding to become ordained, right?

So, we invited her over for dinner so that we could ask her personally. I will always remember as I sat next to her on the couch, taking her hands into mine, how it felt to ask her this extraordinarily special question: “will you be the one to marry us?”. Her beautiful eyes filled with tears that expressed her deep love for us, and her heartfelt gratitude that we chose her. It’s these moments that I treasure the most with Karen… and we’ve had many of them.

When I first met Karen, I had never known anyone quite like her. Growing up in Rochester, New York, is interesting, to say the least. For a small city, there are a number of cultural pockets, and the one that I grew up in was quite different than the one she grew up in. Whereas I grew up on the south side of the city, way out in the country where things – and people – are quiet and low key… attending a small country school and living a life that I often describe as a 1980’s version of “Leave It to Beaver”, Karen grew up in the City of Rochester, and her world was the north side of the city, which is predominantly Italian American. Now, I had known people with Italian last names, of course, but as I would come to find out, I had not yet experienced true “Italian-American” culture. It was my senior year in high school, and I was starting to develop friendships outside of high school, with people who were active in the Rochester theater community (most of which were 5-10 years older than myself). It was through one of these friendships that I found out about a production of the musical “Grease” being done on the north side of the city (the part I wasn’t allowed to drive to!). They had recently lost one of their actors, and with the show opening a couple of weeks later, needed an immediate replacement. I jumped at the chance! Of course, I had to do it behind my parent’s backs, because I was not allowed to drive over to that side of the city. And I knew that there was no way they’d allow me to join this theater group, made up of all adults, without them knowing at least one of them. So, having friends cover for me, I auditioned for the replacement role, got cast and began going to rehearsals. Karen is the first person I remember noticing that first day.

Karen was bigger than life. In fact, I had never met anyone who could capture a room quite the way she could. She was funny; she was talented. She was truly amazing. And I was clear about one thing for sure: I had to know her! I was drawn to her unlike anyone I think I had ever been drawn to before (or since). It wasn’t just that I wanted to know her – I HAD to know her.

Through the course of the show, she and I became quite inseparable and the seeds of a lifetime friendship were planted. It was to become one of the most important and profound friendships of my young adult life. To be honest, the word “friendship” doesn’t seem even remotely strong enough to describe what she meant to me during those years. She helped me make that transition from naïve and sheltered teenager, to a more well rounded adult. When I was struggling with anything in life, it was Karen who I could turn to, who would help to put it all into perspective. But she was also one who provided some of the most hysterical and fun memories from those years. The stories are quite literally legendary amongst our friends and social circle from the time. Have Karen tell you about the slug on her lettuce at Perkins… or our trips to Cathay Pagoda (where they’d serve anyone who came in, regardless of age)… or the time she had the unfortunate choice of wanting something on the menu at a Chinese Restaurant that was slightly embarrassing to order. When I was with Karen, I was happy.

And I thought we’d be connected at the hip for life.

But life has other ideas, and our first separation occurred the year she decided to move to New York City to pursue her performance dreams. Karen is immensely talented and was someone who could take even the smallest role and turn it into the most compelling and interesting character in the show! It was only right that she would move to New York City to see what might happen for her. Now, Rochester and New York City are not that far apart, of course. But we knew things would change slightly in our friendship because we wouldn’t be able to spend the kind of time we were used to spending together. Karen is literally the strongest person I’ve ever known – she’s quite literally a fortress of strength. But I also knew her vulnerability… and I knew there were fears about taking this step and starting out life in a new place where she wasn’t known by everyone. She didn’t voice it necessarily, but I knew her well enough to know what she was going through. So I made her a recording on tape. In my own silly way, I thought that giving her a tape where she could hear me singing would be some kind of comfort for her during the times when she was feeling lost. The contents of that recording are between she and I, but the most important part was to remind her that she had always been “my lion” – filled with strength and courage – and that she could also be her own… and would be… the strong stately brave wonderful lion that I had always counted on. (Consequently, my own nephew identified quite young with a stuffed animal lion that he quite loves, and thus began a lifelong connection to lions. That coincidence was not lost on me… or as Karen likes to remind me: there truly are no coincidences.)

Eventually, life would have me moving to New York City as well, and it wasn’t long before we were roommates! We shared a tiny little apartment on 45th Street for a while, until we each were in relationships that had us moving apart to live independently with our partners. Sadly, at this time, I had chosen a partner who was less than desirable. Karen was one of many friends who warned me against this relationship, but I was young and naïve and had this belief that if I loved someone enough, it would conquer all. Unfortunately, I came to realize that my loving another person who was bad for me was not enough to conquer much of anything – other than to negatively conquer much that was good in my life. One of the casualties of this poor choice, was my closeness with Karen. As the true friend that she was, she could not sit idly by and let me go down this wrong path without trying to help me find my way again. And as my loyal lion went into battle to try to protect me, the influence the undesirable one had over me, caused me to wound my beautiful lion when I pushed her away, siding with him instead of knowing who truly cared for me unselfishly, wholly and completely. And my beautiful lion found herself with no choice, but to turn away and let me make my own mistakes. That fateful choice of mine to turn away from the most loyal and devoted friend I ever had, in favor of a very unhealthy relationship, cost me many years of having my beautiful lion in my life. I would eventually find myself in a different relationship that necessitated a move to California, and so the closeness that once was, was never fully regained. Consequently, I missed the childhoods of her gorgeous girls, Sarah and Amy, who are Karen’s pride and joy. I missed the launch and burgeoning of a successful group of restaurants that she owns. So many things in her life that I would have cherished to have been part of – all lost because of a very bad choice.

Let me say here, for the record, that Karen would have welcomed me back into her life at any time. But as life often does, it got busy and often complicated as my path in California took me in various directions. And so my lion laid back, patiently waiting for me to come back again, wanting to heal the wounds of my past mistakes.

And that time came in 2010, when I moved back to New York City from Los Angeles. I had been eager to come home again, and when life provided me the opportunity to come back to the city that I loved, it was my lion that I was eager to have as one of my first reconnections. And the moment that we met up again, it was like no time had passed at all. Well, except for the fact that almost 20 years had gone by, and there were suddenly these two gorgeous teenaged girls with her, calling her “Mom”. My lion had had the most spectacular cubs and the two girls were a combination of everything good and everything right and everything special about Karen.

I had always considered Karen to be one of the smartest and most well balanced people that I’ve ever had the privilege to know, but nowhere is that more proven, than when you look at the daughters that she’s raised. They are both incredibly intelligent and high achievers, but they’re also equally kind and fun and absolute joys to be with. In the past few years, Karen has had the distinct honor of seeing her Sarah go on to Hoffstra University and her Amy go off to Cornell. Both girls have extraordinarily bright futures and are well poised to handle and thrive in whatever successes (or challenges) life brings to them. And that’s due to having Karen as a mother. All one has to do is look at how her girls have turned out, to realize that Karen should write the book on parenting. And they have extraordinary relationships with each other and with their mother that is truly inspiring to see. I’m honored to be a part of their lives.

I’ll always have a tinge of sadness that I missed out on so many years of their childhoods, though. As close as Karen and I had been, I know in my heart that I should have been like an Uncle to those girls. So it meant the world to me when, during Sarah’s senior year in High School, she was auditioning for the lead in their school musical, and I was able to help coach her into getting the role. It didn’t quite make up for all of the years lost, but it touched my heart in ways that I don’t know if Sarah will ever know. But Karen knows – as she seems to know all things. The strong all knowing and patient lion.

My lion.

And now Perry’s lion too. And someday the lion to our own kids when the time is right for that.

Since my return to New York in 2010, Karen and I have become inseparable again, as we once were. The friendship is closer than it ever was, and I cherish every second I get to spend with her. I love her with my whole heart. And finally, as an adult who has seen much more of the world than I had at 21, I know that Karen truly is always looking out for my best interests and willing to put her neck out to be sure that I make the hard choices as well as the easy ones. A true friend in every sense of the word. A friend who truly knows me – inside and out – my strengths, my faults, my courage, my fear… a friend who wants to roar in celebration when I have my successes and joys and who will yelp in pain when I face my hardships. And a friend who will counsel me and guide me in the ways that the most able and spiritually centered Priests and Guru’s would… always guiding me to be the best Henry that I can be… doing what’s right, not only for me, but for the world as a whole. And so it is with great honor and humility and joy and gratitude that Karen, my beautiful lion, will be the one to pronounce Perry and I married on October 11th.

And in closing, I remind my lion of these words: “You are standing proud and tall, you’re the greatest of them all, if on courage you must fall, then just keep on tryin’ and tryin’ and tryin’ and tryin’… you’re my lion… in your own way, be a lion…”

With love, Henry

Due to school commitments, Danielle will be unable to attend. Laurie Duke will Stand-In for Danielle.